


Mail Order Love

by BarPurple



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Sex Toys, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 05:06:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14253648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: Lacey wasn't sure about ordering from the catalogue Ruby had gotten hold of, but what the hell, she wanted a happy ending.





	Mail Order Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beastlycheese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beastlycheese/gifts).



> Birthday gift for the ever-amazing beastlycheese

After their disastrous first kiss Belle had refused to be thrown out of the castle, the sheer stubbornness of her words had made his blood boil.

“I promised I would serve as your maid forever. You are not going to make a liar of me. I’m staying.”

And she had. He’d tried to get her to leave by ignoring her, and then by being snide and beastly to her, (he never laid a hand on her again, but his temper was biting and cruel), neither had worked. He’d tried poofing her down to the village with a pocket full of gold, but she’d bought some new books and peach tarts, (that she refused to share with him), and made her way back to the castle. As a last resort he’d filled the kitchen with mice, thinking that would scare her away for sure. She stormed into the great hall as he sat spinning ad demanded to know if they were real mice, or people he’d transformed. He’d been so stunned by her ire that he’d answered.

“Real mice. I’d have had to transfigure the population of every village for miles to get that many mice, you silly girl.”

She huffed at him and stomped away. He’d sat for a long while turning his wheel, spinning nothing, convinced that she was gone for good now, but too cowardly to use his magic to check.

His jaw hit the floor when she appeared in the late afternoon with a tea tray.

“But the mice?”

She’d rolled her eyes at him; “Amazing what you can do with a cat and a broom. There’s no biscuits, but that’s your own fault.”

It took him another two days to say he was sorry, and to stutter his way through an explanation as to why he needed his power. Belle had listened carefully, asked a few questions and then run to the library. For the space of a day he was sure that this was going to be the revelation that sent her away. He spent the day searching through his collection to find a bottomless bag, she’d want to take as many books as she could with her and she’d need gold for the journey home.

He was wrong, again.

Belle returned to the great hall carrying a tower of books as tall as herself. She dropped them on to the table and then apologised for her hasty and foolish actions. Rumple had blinked a dozen times in shock.

“What?”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you until I had all the facts. I am sorry Rumple, and I’m spitting mad with myself for listening to the Evil Queen, but I’ve done some research and I think there is a simple way for me to kiss you without breaking your curse.”

Several hours later, with some shouting and much reading, they had discovered that she was right. Belle had proved her point by kissing him again. His curse remained intact, by the simple fact that Belle loved him so much she was willing to accept the darkness as well.

Rumple had lost count of how many kisses they had shared, every single one of them was a miracle, a blessing, and so much more than he deserved. When Belle shyly suggested that they could enjoy more than just kisses his blackened heart had leapt into his mouth leaving him unable to speak. Words were unnecessary, Belle had taken him by the hand and led him to her bed chamber.

It was shy, and awkward, and the best intimate experience of his entire life. Apparently, he’d said that last bit aloud because Belle had chuckled and quipped that she could certainly say the same. He’d kissed her and promised that he would make the next time better for her. She tickled his side and pointed out that there were two of them involved in this dance and she would be doing her part to make sure it was better for him too. There were some interesting things she had read about that she’d like to try if he was willing.

His flesh had been very willing to make the next time right now, but Belle was tired, so he’d held her until she had fallen asleep, and then taken one of her hairs and poofed to his tower.

The scroll of the Dark Curse looked more ominous than ever before, he couldn’t be without Belle for all those years. He plucked a hair from his own head and hesitated. Would this work? The hairs moved towards each other before his doubts could make him cast them away. They twined together in a flash of golden blue; True Love, his and Belle’s True Love no less.

He lowered them on to the scroll, the memories of his and Belle’s coupling strong in his mind.

“Let us find each other during the Curse. Let us be as happy then as we are now. Let Regina not be able to make us miserable.”

Rumplestiltskin had always said that intent was meaningless, but he should have remembered that magic is born from emotion, and his emotions at the time of this spellcasting were of a very specific nature.

 

-x-x-x-

 

“Come on Lacey, you said yourself it’s been ages since you had a good vibration, let’s get them!”

Lacey rolled her eyes at Ruby but didn’t argue. It had been ages since she’d had an orgasm by anything but her own hands. Seriously the men in this town were all two pump chumps, wham-bam-get-me-a-beer-love if they didn’t start snoring the second they got their happy ending. The lurid toys in the catalogue Ruby had gotten hold of were beginning to look like a good solution, but they couldn’t be as good as the real thing, could they?

“I don’t know Rubes, I mean it’s a bit weird isn’t it, using a lump of plastic to get off?”

Ruby shrugged; “No weirder than thinking Keith could get either of us off, and we’ve both fallen for that insane idea.”

Lacey snorted into her glass of wine; “Yeah, that was a mistake. Okay girl, let’s order them.”

The next morning the hangover from too much wine made Lacey forget that she and Ruby had walked giggling to the mailbox to post their order for sex toys. It wasn’t until she’d opened the library and endured a visit from Madam Mayor that the memory finally surfaced. She ducked behind the circulation desk to hide the cringe that swept over her, but it couldn’t be that bad could it? She could just ignore the parcel once it came, tell Ruby it got lost in the mail or something.

She started reshelving books and tried to work out why she wasn’t keen on the idea of trying sex toys. She didn’t have to think that hard. She wanted a real connection with an actual person, someone who loved her as much as she loved them. She snorted at herself and shoved a book back on to the shelf. That was what she wanted, but not what she ever went after. There was no spark between her and Keith, other than the drunk lust of you’ll-do-for-the-night, same for any other bloke she’d taken to her bed.

“Excuse me, Miss French?”

That Scottish burr sent a shiver down her spine. She bit her lip and composed herself by putting another book back onto the shelf before she turned around with a flirty smile on her lips.

“How can I help you Mr Gold?”

He dipped his head, so his hair covered his face for a moment, but the he raised his head and met her eyes.

“I am looking for a book on American Art Deco, does the library have such a book?”

Lacey smoothed her dress over her hips; “Of course Mr Gold follow me.”

His cane tapped against the floor as he stepped back so she could lead him to the shelf he needed. Lacey would admit that her hips swung more than was strictly necessary, but gods damn it if any man in town could float her boat she figured it would be Gold. Sure, he was dark and dangerous, but he was also shy and stammering around her, and by gods did he cut a fine figure in those suits of his. They never had a chance to go further than flirty conversations, but Lacey was hopeful and the fantasy was nice.

He found his book and turned on the ball of his good foot to smile at her; “Thank you Miss French.”

“My pleasure Mr Gold.”

His tongue darted out and licked the corner of his top lip, and just for a second Lacey thought he might say something that matched the twinkle in his eye. Someone coughed loudly, and the moment was lost.

Lacey checked his book out and watched him walk out of the door. Gods that arse of his sent shivers to all the right places. When the toy Ruby had talked her into buying came she was going to name it Gold. She smothered her giggle and turned to smile at the next customer.

“Ah. Hello Mother Superior.”

 

-x-x-x-

 

Lacey found a discreetly wrapped parcel on her doorstep a few weeks later and thought nothing of shoving it into her purse as she staggered towards the library. She had to lay off the wine, or at least learn to say no to Ruby, that girl must have a liver the size of a small country because she could drink like a sailor and never get a hangover.

Said non-hungover girl bounced into the library around eleven o’clock all smiles and giggles.

“So, did yours come today as well?”

Lacey didn’t have time to ask what the heck she was talking about; Ruby dived over the desk and grabbed her purse.

“Yes, it did! Why haven’t you opened it?” – Ruby leaned closer – “I’m wearing mine!”

She ripped into the package with gusto, not caring that part of the fluffy pink packaging flew across the library floor. Lacey’s eyes went wide as Ruby waved the love egg in the air. She jumped up and snatched it from her friend’s hand. Ruby fought her for it, but Lacey won.

“If I go and put this in will you shut up?”

Ruby gave her a wicked grin and jerked her head towards the bathroom; “I’ll watch the desk.”

Lacey muttered a few choice words under her breath and stalked off towards the bathroom. Ruby hopped over the circulation desk and settled herself in Lacey’s chair just as the door opened and Mr Gold strolled in. Ruby ducked low under the desk to avoid him. She was indifferent towards the town’s feared landlord, but rent day was tomorrow and she didn’t want to risk his attention just in case she managed to say something that would annoy him. She heard his cane stop for a moment, but then the familiar click-click started again and when she peeked above the desk he was disappearing into the stacks.

-x-x-x-

Gold stepped into the library and bit back a sigh as he watched Lacey bounce away to the backroom. For some reason this book loving party girl wasn’t afraid of him. The brightest moments of his days were when Lacey would talk to him, whether it was about whiskey or books he could listen to her insights for hours. In the deepest darkest moments of the night he would even allow himself to believe that there was more to their conversations than just harmless flirting. Not that any of that could possibly be true, but dreaming was free. He spotted Miss Lucas hiding behind the counter, so he turned towards the stacks and his cane scuffed against something. He bent down and found a bright pink keyfob. There were buttons but nothing that gave a clue as to what it was for. He slipped it into his pocket and strolled towards the fiction section, he was in the mood for a new Western novel.

-x-x-x-

Lacey wasn’t sure about the sense of slipping a love egg into herself while she was at work. She could just hide it somewhere and tell Ruby she was wearing it. Oh, what the hell? It was going to be a quite day, she may as well give it a go for a little while. She was definitely taking this out before the after-school rush started, but for now, well it was just a bit of fun.

The bright pink toy had come with a packet of lube, which made things easier, but at the same time make things trickier. Lacey found herself wondering if any woman had pinged one of these across the room like a slippery bar of soap. She pulled her panties up and wiggled a bit. It felt okay, she knew it was there, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. She paced the length of the bathroom, and yeah this was going to be alright. She couldn’t remember what sort she had bought; was this the one that jiggled as she moved, or did it come with a remote? There was no remote in the packaging she had, so she guessed as she moved more she’d start to feel something. To be honest it was a bit of a disappointment. She washed her hands, fixed her hair and headed back into the library.

Ruby gave her a wicked grin; “So, how’s it feels?”

“Too soon to tell.”

“Okay, I’ve got to get back to the diner, let me know alright?”

“Will do.”

Lacey had the feeling that she would have to make something up because right now this wasn’t doing a thing for her.

-x-x-x-

Gold had settled himself in one of the armchairs with a new Western. There was no real need for him to open the shop this afternoon, and the blurb on the back of this novel had caught his fancy. He shifted in the chair and winced as something dug into his hip. He pulled the strange pink keyfob from his pocket and rolled it between his fingers as he started to read.

Lacey gasped as a shiver ran through her. What the hell was that? Wow, the love egg had started working, and that felt nice. She glanced around the library, no one else was around so she took a moment to lean against the shelves and just feel the vibrations ripple through her. She gave a low growl of frustration when they stopped. She’d been walked around when the damn sex toy switched on, so that’s what she’d have to keep doing, not a problem there were plenty of little jobs that involved walking around that needed doing.

Gold glanced up from his book as Lacey walked by the end of the aisle again. She appeared very busy today and was muttering under her breath a lot. He wondered what had gotten her so worked up, perhaps he should ask her, offer a shoulder to cry on. He clicked a button on the keyfob, it was a pleasantly tactile thing to fidget with while he considered his options. Lacey wasn’t the crying sort, but she might like to have someone to listen to her vent if her day had been that bad. He could do that for her, he clicked another button, maybe even offer her a drink, or if he was feeling brave dinner? He could do that, mind made up he clicked the buttons rapidly and moved to stand up.

“Holy Fuck!”

He bolted from his seat as Lacey staggered against the shelves at the opening of the aisle.

“Miss French! What’s the matter?”

She was flushed and sweating, gasping for breath. He was convinced she was having a heart attack, or some sort of fit. He reached for her shoulders intending to help her to a chair before he called for an ambulance. Lacey grabbed his wrist, the pink keyfob was still hooked around his fingers.

“Where did you find that?”

The source of a strange key ring hardly felt important in the moment, but he stammered out; “On the floor by the circulation desk. We really need to call a doctor for you Miss French.”

She shook her head; “Just keep pressing the buttons. I’m so close Gold!”

Gold blinked in confusion; “Close to what?”

Her other hand grasped the lapel of his jacket; “Orgasm. That’s the control for my sex toy!”

He stared at the keyfob, eyes wide in shock. Lacey growled and tugged on his jacket; “Don’t leave me wanting Gold.”

A shiver of want ran down his spine. It was possible that he’d fallen asleep while reading and this was all a dream, but he wasn’t going to waste the chance. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear; “You want to cum, Lacey? You want me to make you see stars?”

“Yes!”

He thumbed a button and drank in the sight of her shuddering. They were close enough that he could feel her warm breath roll over his skin. His cock stirred, and he shifted his hips in a search for friction. Lacey licked her lips and winked at him. She let go of his wrist and slipped her hand down his body to cup him. He groaned and rested his head on her shoulder.

“Keep talking Gold, please keep talking.”

He raised his head and pressed another button; “I’ve dreamed of watching you cum Lacey, of making you cum with my fingers, my tongue, my cock.”

She squeezed his cock and his thumb mashed the button again. He had no idea what this toy of hers was doing to her, but he fully approved, and so did she if the curses she was gasping were anything to judge by. He was rutting shamelessly against her hand now, so close to falling apart without even having her hand on his bare flesh.

“I want to take you home, Lacey, lay you out on my bed and make all those dreams reality.”

“Oh fuck, Gold, yes, yes…”

Her words dissolved into a stuttering gasp as she orgasmed; “Rumple!”

Gold frowned at the strange word, but his own climax was too close to be denied. His hips jerked against her hand as he came hard.

“Oh Belle!”

Belle winced and shoved her hand under her skirt. She cussed as she eased the still vibrating toy from her oversensitive sex. The bright pink toy dropped from her hand and buzzed loudly against the floor as she sagged against Rumple. He random hit the buttons on the keyfob until the thing fell silent.

“Belle? Sweetheart, are you alright?”

Belle chuckled; “Wonderful Rumple, you?”

“Pretty amazing.”

He bumped her head with his nose until she lifted her chin and smiled at him.

“I thought it would be a kiss that woke us up.”

Rumple dipped his head and kissed her softly; “I guess I had other things on my mind when I altered the Curse.”

Belle kissed him again, and for a long moment Rumple didn’t give a fig about Curse, or the unconventional way they had overcome this one. He whimpered and tried to chase Belle’s lips as she pulled back from him. She smiled fondly and stopped him with a finger to his lips.

“Are we safe? Regina can’t try to ruin us, can she?”

Rumple kissed her finger; “We’re safe. Regina will see what she wants to see, the pretty librarian trapped in a miserable deal with the beastly pawnbroker.”

She gave him a smirk; “And yet we’ll be anything but miserable, especially if you make good on your promise to lay me out on your bed and make all those dreams come true.”

He pulled her in closer and swayed them on the spot, revelling in the delight of having her in his arms again.

“I believe we should get started on that as soon as possible, sweetheart.”

“Shame you can’t just poof us to your place.”

Rumple sighed, there were some disadvantaged to waking up early in this realm. He grinned as he caught sight of the sex toy, but for a land supposedly without magic there were some items that came very close. Belle tugged gently on his hair.

“I know that look, and yes the love egg is coming with us.”

He grinned happily and followed her as they gathered up their things. As Rumple and Belle made their way to the pink house on the edge of town the Curse subtly rewrote itself. Everyone in Storybrooke knew that Gold and Lacey were a couple, and everyone knew that they were having problems in the bedroom; why else would Lacey be getting regular discreet parcels from an adult toy store?


End file.
